


Interesting Men

by Draqonelle



Category: Darkwing Duck (Cartoon), DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Alcoholism, Arachnophobia, Ayn Rand Sucks, Car Chases, Cyborgs, DWI, Dancing, Ducks, Eugene Debs, Explosions, F/F, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Lamestream Media, M/M, Multi, Other, Sexual Content, Spiders, Superheros, Transhumanism, YouTubers - Freeform, cole porter - Freeform, irresponsible behavior, vigilantes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-23 01:04:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11978853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draqonelle/pseuds/Draqonelle
Summary: After Daisy Duck contacts her ex, Donald Launchpad and Fenton go out on the town on Scrooge’s buck, and end in a crazy chase around the Duckberg’s hottest nightspots. Involves Cole Porter, drunk dials, cyborgs, Live-blogging a Car Jacking, Transhumanism, Blimp Theft, male bonding, flame throwers, functional alcoholism, attempted break up sex, mall apocalypse, and how much Ayn Rand sucks.





	1. Prologue: Aunty Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uncle Scrooge decides to interfere in Donald's pathetic social life.

Title: Interesting Men

Part 1: Prologue: Aunty Someone

Author: [@draqonelle](https://draqonelle.tumblr.com)

Characters: Donald Duck, Launchpad McQuack, Fenton Crackshell, Fenton Crackshell Cabrera, Daisy Duck, Darkwing Duck

Summary: After Daisy Duck contacts her ex, Donald Launchpad and Fenton go out on the town on Scrooge’s buck, and end in a crazy chase around the Duckberg’s hottest nightspots. Involves Cole Porter, drunk dials, cyborgs, Live-blogging a Car Jacking, Transhumanism, Blimp Theft, male bonding, flame throwers, functional alcoholism, attempted break up sex, mall apocalypse, and how much Ayn Rand sucks.  
  
Warning: Crude and Sexual humor.  NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN.  I would hate to call it Adult.  
  
Prologue: McDuck Manor  
Guest starring Scrooge, Beakley Webby and the Triplets.  
  


It was a warm October night, almost summer like as Mrs. Beakley watched the children enjoy the Ice Cream sundae bar she set up.  A special occasion usually only reserved for Friday Nights. And only special Friday nights. The little ones were excited that there was as much ice cream as they could eat.  And Candy.  They were so excited they forgot a whole weekend of sloth and forgetting to do homework and beggaring off chores to do. Uncle Scrooge was at peak grumpiness, pouting as the noise hurt his head.  He didn’t look like he was enjoying himself.  
She had partially made this night for him too. Though he didn’t realize it. She had raised three children and knew how to use sugar responsibly to get whatever she wanted.  
“Uncle Scrooge you didn’t put any candy on your ice cream.” Dewey noted.  
“I don’t want any.” Uncle Scrooge said.

Dewey held up some of the toppings bowls. “What about Skittles, Or M&M or Coconut Chips or extra chocolate chips?” Dewey said an added a spoon each as he saw each topping. He wasn’t planning ahead.  
“Those are disgusting. Full of sugar and Chemicals.” Scrooge wrinkled up his nose.  

“You don’t want any Sour Worms, Liquid Boogies or Birthday Cake Chunks? Or Atomic Cinnamon Warheads” Louie said picking his favorite candies.

“They don’t sound like you should eat them.” He pointed at Louie’s tongue “They turn your tongue blue.”

Huey shook his head “There are fresh strawberries. Strawberries are good for you.” He had the makings of a super traditional banana split in his bowl. Even the caramel walnuts he hated.  
“Get those away from me.  Where you get fresh Strawberries in November?”

“What are you Paleo?” Dewey asked.

“In Medieval times if you had fresh strawberries in October it was considered witch craft*.” He said “I will have ice cream with fudge.” He spooned a single dollop of homemade fudge on his white icecream   
Huey looked at his bowl “But your icecream looks sad.” The swirl of fudge instead of looking like a smile. Looked like a grey frown.

“it’s a failure sundae.” Dewey shook his head.

Webby was holding out a bottle as Scrooge argued with his stubborn nephews.  Squeezing something into his bowl while he was distracted

He caught her giggling and grabbed the bottle from her.  
“What is so funny wee missie?”  
“That’s not fudge.”  
“I replaced your fudge.  With chocolate syrup.”  
“Chocolate syrup is not fudge.  Its terrible.”

Webby started snorting for air she laughed so hard.  
“Why you little trickster!”  He laughed at the weak practical joke. “I better keep an eye on you.”

He grabbed her and tickled her.

“Webby don’t poke fun at Mr. McDuck. It’s undignified.”

“If you are going to put something in his sundae.  Put buttons.”

“That is a choking hazard.” Webigail said scandalized  
“Not for an old duck like him. He once had a bet against Evader Berry Wall* he could eat all the buttons on his waistcoat.”

“I would have won too if he didn’t have cheated me out.” Scrooge said. “King of the Dudes, more like kind of the Dimbulbs.”  
  
Beakley knew Scrooge while on the surface was cranky and dottering old fool, he was just an overgrown child himself.  So every once and a while he had to appear grumpy and miserly to keep that careful public image.  Scrooge loved being an old man.  It suited him just fine.  But he was so young at heart he was constantly in danger that people would no longer treat him like an old man.

And it was he at eight oclock, it was he who called an end to the Sundae bar. As appetites flagged and the sugar rush wore off, and the children yawned and pulled themselves on the slippery old fashioned horse hair couch to rest, it was Scrooge that made the call, bellowing to Beakley from the other room.

“Mrs. Beakley, might I ask why aren’t the wee ones in bed? They look knackered.”  
So it was Scrooge who got all the protests. The children whined “Uncle Scrooge. We get to stay up till 10 on Saturday.”  
“Its not fair.”  
“We get to stay up till ten.”  
“I’m not even (yawn) tired.”  
Beakley would shake her head “Well they might be tired but it’s important to keep a schedule.  And the children were promised they could stay up.” Webby was sleepy already.  Only Huey truly would be a challenge, but he had inconvenient manic insomnia attributing most of the McDuck men.  His uncle and granduncle especially. Louis was easy to tame with sleep and Dewey faked sleeping so he could play on his cell phone. If Dewey truly cared about something he could stay up with Huey all night long and encourage Huey to do the same, with their hushed talk.

Scrooge looked out with wisdom.  
“Now now.  You are all worn out and you have a busy day tomorrow. Then why don’t you get ready for bed. And maybe I can read you guys a story.”

“Ooh can you read us Arabian Nights?  Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves?” Huey asked.

“I don’t know.  How fast can you brush your teeth?” Scrooge smiled

“No matter what, dentists say you should spend two minutes brushing your teeth to eliminate cavities. It takes two minutes to brush your teeth uncle scrooge.” Huey said.  “So two minutes and three seconds.”  
“Go on.  I’ll go get the book.”  
huey ran out quickly to get ready.

Webby Grumbled “How come every time we get a story we have to listen to Ali Baba.  Scrooge has the biggest library in the world.  We could be reading a copy of the Necronomicon.”

“We can hear another story after Huey hears Ali-baba. If he doesn’t hear it he’s going to ask. And if he doesn’t hear it he’ll get nervous.”

“Its boring hearing the same story every time.  And you guys are ten.” She said “I’m eight and that seems like baby stuff.”  
“Its just a Huey thing.” Dewey said.  
Webby wasn’t integrated into the McDuck group properly, some things were just Huey things. Anymore then Dewey would space out in school imagining things, standing on the sidewalk.  And Louie slept with a night light and wet the bed when he was little. Sacrosanct amoung the bond of brothers was an acceptance. Huey washed his hands when he was nervous sometimes a few times in a row. He paid too much attention to his teeth and would like to be tucked in and hear the same stories they heard since before they were babies.  Even if he was ten.  Huey was probably the most useful things wrong with him and in reality probably the most sensitive when things didn’t go his way.

Scrooge sensed dissension amoung Webby “Now don’t fret so Webigail. Ali-baba was my favorite story when I was a wee lad.  We didn’t get many books.  But the abridged Tales of the Arabian Knights, right between The Bible and Last Years Almanac.” Scrooge made it less weird then it was while the others ignored it. He too had that McDuck code, to accept his family as it was “He’s gotten a little less nervous over the years. He’s doing good for himself.”

“If you won’t be needing me.”

“Quite Quite Mrs Beakley. You’re excused.”  
Webigail grabbed her grandmother for a hug and a kiss, Mrs. Beakley knew she would have the evening to herself.  Sugar was always a calculated risk, but when utilized by an old parenting pro like her, it worked to her advantage.

“I’ll be happy to put the ice cream away Mr. McDuck.”  
  
“Do you want any maraschino cherries before I put them away Donald?”  
Donald sparked to life.  
She snooped on the Duck. Looking at his plain vanilla icecream “She’s right that is a SAD Sundae.” Beakley tsked at the younger duck.

“Huh?” Donald looked flustered.

“You resemble your Uncle more and more everyday.  No toppings at all.”  She said “A very sad sundae.”  
This would merit an angry protest that he was nothing like Scrooge.  
“I am nothing like Scrooge. One time I put sprinkles on his sundae and he said it looked like a float in the Pride Parade. I had to ask Duckworth what Pride was being 5 years old.”

“Well you can have sprinkles.” She shook the can “If you help me with the dishes.”  
Donald so very edgy, sat down and shrugged,.  
He was actually unwilling to bother with sprinkles on his icecream and ate plain vanilla ice cream as she worked. An utter monster. Not even fudge on his naked boring ice cream.  It wasn’t ice cream night but Sundae bar night. There was something evil in the air.

He was staring at his phone, like a teenager.  Donald wasn’t one for apps and snaps or whatever.  So to see him stare at the screen for almost twenty minutes before scrolling was rare.  
Beakley gave up appealing to his sense of right and wrong and threw a dishrag at him.  
“Why can’t you send your girlfriend a Text later?” She said “We can’t use the dishwasher on the good crystal candy bowls. You can take out the trash if you are insistent not to help now.”  
Donald stood up to help at long last.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” Donald was quiet the whole night and unwilling to talk much more then that.  
“We have a bit of a free evening.  I was working on the afghan for Duckworth in Hospital, catch up on shows on the TIVO.”  
Donald scrubbed listlessly.  
“Carve Kurari darts, run for president and declare my mad passionate affection for Mr. McQuack.”

“You really are hopeless.” She sighed.  
She let the young’un be.  She knew Donald could brood.  He was one of the rare McDucks in that. Dewey could if he kept a bad mood for more then two minutes and Louis sulked.  But McDuck men weren’t much on thinking and sitting.  They were the walking shouting running type. She raised Donald and Della, she kept Scrooge for jumping out of the window of a casino, she knew the family well.

“Ever since the boys moved in I can’t stay up past ten I’m so knackered.” She stretched. “I can’t imagine doing them on me own.” She said “You must have the constitution of an ox.”

“Its good to have someone else here.  And They are doing better.” Donald said “Huey is actually learning to relax.”

“Three of them. Three of us. I think the speech therapy is going well for Huey.  Louis has sharpened up, even Dewey seems a bit happier.”

“That could just be pressed clothes. You’re shit with an iron Donald.  Here I thought I raised you properly.”  
“I iron the clothes just fine.” Donald said  
“What are you up to tonight?  Cyber text?”

He put his phone in his pocket.  
****  
At this there was a knock on the door.

Oh Launchpad my dearest heart.”  
“Hi.”

He was wearing a graphics tee.

“You wouldn’t happen to have any extra…. Ice cream. The boys said you were planning a sundae night. I was going over to hang out in Nerdville and play some videogames. I figured I could bring snacks.”

“I just put it away.” Mrs. Beakley “Why do you always come down right at the second I have everything squared away.  Its like you are psychic. But your only useless power is getting me to climb to the back of the fridge.”  
“Aw please Mrs. B?”

“There a liter of chocolate ice cream the boys won’t touch. Donald won’t touch and scrooge won’t touch. And Mr McDuck will accuse me of wasting money if he finds it. McDuck prefer their chocolate on top.”  
“But its chocolate icecream” Launchpad said ‘Chocolate is the best flavor ice cream.”  
“the excesses of the idle rich.” She said.

“god they are weird.” Launchpad shivered, what kids wouldn’t eat chocolate ice cream.

“Webbie had a nip off the top.  I did make fudge.” Mr. Beakley “me and webby couldn’t possibly eat that much.”  
  
“Mrs. Beakly you are too hot to be on a diet. You’d fade away.” Launchpad smiled at her.  
“If you want ice cream come earlier… and more frequently and stay longer… and-“  
Here.  I don’t want it getting cool.  You can take the chocolate sauce.  Mr. McDuck prefers homemade fudge, And some fudge. It will go spare.” Without thinking she also added a few plastic Tupperware with candy too.  
She piled the ingredients in his arms.  
“You are the best Mrs. B.”

He kissed her temple. Unable to hug her as he was holding the icecream.

“what are you given Launchpad this time?”  
“I don’t know why you buy that stuff.” McDuck said “I just don’t like Chocolate ice cream. You feed him and they’ll come back. He probably stole the whipcream in a can.”

Scrooge had his story book and his cocoa and looked over Donald out in the yard.  He screwed up his eyes.  
“When did Donald start talking to Daisy again?”

“What?” Beakley gasped “I beg your pardon sir.”  
“Obvious.”  
That Scrooge having a short fuse and easily predictable nature they forgot he was a genius.  His brain able to pick clues out of random. His uncanny observational skills had made him a shrewd trader and wheeler dealer.

“If you acquainted yourself to studying body language and pyschology instead of noodling on that little doo dad, maybe you’d know everything too.  Not many things a grown man is shy about on his phone in front of his kids but a beautiful charming woman.  He has been clawing at that thing all night so we don’t see.”

“Incredible Mr. McDuck. I believe you have it. But what if it is another young lady.”

“What young lady is he gonna meet here at McDuck Manor?”

“you make me sound like an old shoe.”

“Oh Bettina, my beautiful Betty. And you’d tell me if You’d cast off your old world inhibitions and cast your eye on the young Master Donald, and interfered with my family honor, you’d warn me” He kissed her hand.  
“My heart belongs to Launchpad.  He’s got abs.”

“I’m just saying I wonder if he is happy.” Scrooge said “The boy goes to the boat, goes to jobs, comes home. Watches the boys. Watches you watch the boys, watches me as I help you watch the boys.  Its just. I think maybe its not the worst thing.”

“I’m not going to get involved in that,” Beakley nodded “Its above my paygrade to figure out what Master Donald should do. I shall never wed again.”

“You Beakley?  You saucy minx.” He said “What about Launchpad?’

“Most of the plans I have for Launchpad involve whipcream and the maraschino cherries.”

“James and I will meet together and be enjoined for all eternity in Heaven. My Soulmate, my better half and significant other.  But until then I am going out with a bang.”

Scrooge sniggered at that turn of phrase “Can your heart handle that sort of excitement?”

***

“Huey.” Dewey was listlessly chewing on his brush with one ear to the door.  
“I’m brushing my teeth.” Huey said.  
“I heard that Uncle Donald is going out.” Dewey said “With Launchpad.”  
“Oh no.  I just got it in my head.

“Are they doing the dating?”  
“I don’t think so.”

“My Grammie doesn’t date anymore.  She’s too old.  I don’t think Scrooge ever dated. I don’t have any dating data.”

“He’s too smart to date or run after girls.”

“You don’t have to. Not anymore since Obama.  You can go be gay.”

“or they could just be going out.  Like to a nightclub or a restaurant.” Huey spat finally “You can’t jump to conclusions.  
“That is so cool.”

“its weird to think of our uncle going somewhere cool.”

“I can picture Launchpad on a date. He is hot.”

“Dewey if you care so much why don’t you spy on them.”

“Why don’t you spy on them?” Dewey grumbled

“Because I am still brushing. I’ll have to start over if my gums start bleeding.” Huey said.

****  
Donald returned.

“Is that call from Daisy?”

“I did not get a call.” Donald held the phone behind his back.

“Text sext, Skype Smype Whatever. I’m old, not ignorant.”

He pocketed Donald’s phone. “And too quick for ye.” The can snaked around the phone.

“Give me that back.”  
  


Scrooge was spry for his age. The two wrestled a bit

“If you want to talk to her. Tell her to meet you somewhere. This’ll not do.” Scrooge waved it about “This is just a joke.”

“I told you last time.” He said “It ain’t your business you old coot.”

“I’ll just type a farewell.”

“You.  No.  I don’t.”

_“Dear Daisy I hope you die. Don’t contact me again even by text which is not a thing, Donald Duck…. An sending Now-”_  
Donald knew he was playing with fire. But Scrooge McDuck was a genius. He might not be married himself.  
I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Do you trust me?”

Donald like a madman, let his phone go “I just don’t know what to say with her.”

“All I needed.” Scrooge grinned like a maniac.  He looked at his thumbs and texted surprisingly fast for an old man with his thumbs…  like a caveman.

_“*I am going out tonight. With some friends.  Nice Chatting to you Love and Kisses Donald. PS._ _maybe we can meet on Saturday for brunch at Spango.”*_

“Tomorrow is Saturday.” Donald said.

And Daisy’s text echoed  _“Tomorrow is Saturday.”_  
Uncle Scrooge silenced him with a finger “You are too busy to care about things like that.”  He said.  
“But you are making me look-”

“Trust me Donald.  I sent a few passive aggressive telegraphs in my day.  This will get her going.”  His eyes gleamed with evil.

Scrooge continued *”I _’ve been busy.  I can’t believe its Saturday already.  How about Breakfast?”*_  
__  
Won’t it be early if you are going out tonight? Daisy asked  
  
 “* _I might not be in.  I think Jessica’s place is a block from Spango._ ”*  
__  
Jessica?  
__  
Its not serious.

~~_“What’s not serious about leaving a girls place at dawn.”_ ~~

_~~DO you do this frequently?~~ _

~~~~_WTF Donald_  
_“Is that any of my business… I’m sorry”_  
Scrooge had her texting back like a fiend. He didn’t know that Daisy had it in her to be jealous

She edited the last line. Taking back her jealous questions.

_“Is it any of my business?”_

Scrooge grinned “And we have her on the hook.” _  
“I’ve got work tonight….  But Spango sounds good._

_“Miss you Donald.”_  
  


“That’s brutal on the hands.” Scrooge rubbed his palm.  “I never did like long letters. Who’d know you’d have one in your pocket.” Scrooge said.  
  
Uncle Scrooge was texting with her right now. She was just stringing him along. Scrooge had gotten more texts out of her in two minutes then he had in months.  
  
“She needs to know you don’t need her.” He said “You act like you don’t matter. When it is she who loves you.” He said “Have a little back bone lad.”

“Well thanks for lying for me.  At least Daisy wants to talk now.” He stared at his   
  
“Donald I’m not lying… You’re going out tonight.” Scrooge said “If I have to launch you out of a canon.”

”What?”  
“I wouldn’a lie to Daisy. She is an amazing lass.  If I were a bit younger-”

“You’d probably have forgotten the Roman era.” Donald said.  
”Now you know I don’t have any dog in this fight. But I have to be honest.  A girl like Daisy is rare enough,” He said. “The kind of gal that comes around once in a lifetime.” Scrooge sat down “Spango is her favorite place. Completely obnoxious, waste of money. Make the crepes at the table.  Its perfectly her.”

“Didn’t they just open two years ago?” Donald was a bit shocked.  
“Can’t break up with your boyfriend’s uncle. We see each other, She’s my media liason whenever she’s back in Duckberg.  She’s only in town a few times a year,” He said. “I can’t afford her full time if I’m paying for crepes and artisinal apricot jam.”

“You are trying to take your nephew’s girl.” Donald chuckled.

“Its better to have her on your side then an enemy.  She’s only had me arrested the twice. Not even Glomgold managed that.” Scrooge said

“She’s a piece of work.” Donald said.

“Go get some fresh air.  Leave this at home. Ignore it until sun up.  By then you’ll have it all worked out.” 

“If’n you want to end it. Even this will end it.  Twere it were done twere done quickly.  But you can’t let it go.”

“I’ll stay with the boys and you.  And Beakley go out on the town.” He said “Beakley, get on yer corset and dancing shoes.”

Beakley put on her night cap “Its half till ten I am soaking me feet and knitting an afghan.”   
  
“Come on.  I’ll pay for your drinks.” He said “You are the hip youngster of my friends. Call your hot gaggle of girlfriends. All your lady spy friends”

“I’m not helping Donald find women.  I raised him as a little boy.” She said “I can’t help it if I’m the young one.  And two of my girlfriends went in for knee replacement surgery. They are all pensioners and old gummers.”

“Bettina Beakly you ancestresses would be ashamed.  To think they died to give you the vote.” He said “Staying home on a Saturday night in the prime of life.  Not even 80 yet.”  He tsked.

“You Launchpad.”  
“what are you doing here? Eating on the job.”

“I am not on the clock.” Launchpad stammered nervously.

“So you are just stealing me awful fake chocolate syrup and really gross chocolate ice cream.”  
“I was going to have a pretty chill weekend.”

“Chill you say?” He said.  
“Ice Cream and video games. Just relax.”  
  
“Take Donald to Ice cream and video games.” Scrooge shoved Donald at Launchpad. “Ice cream I might remind you stole out from under me. And don’t let him look at his phone.”  He tossed Launchpad the phone. Launchpad grabbed it High above Donalds head with a clumsy yelp.  
“Well I guess there is enough ice cream for all of us. If you don’t mind chocolate.”

Donald flared his nostrils “Gross.”  
  
Launchpad caught it and almost dropped it 

“He’s having problems with his ex-girlfriend. She texted him after three months of nothing. Thye haven’t been dating for 8 years.”

Launchpad looked at him soothingly. “Oh you poor thing.  He needs a dude’s night out.”  He said.

Donald yelped “My phone. Launchpad.  Give it back to me.”  
  
“If you give him back his phone.  You’re fired.”  
“What?”  
“He’ll break it.  You know Launchpad is a clutz.”  
“If he breaks it I’ll just fire him.”  He said.    
“What?”  
“Launchpad hold onto that phone and don’t let go.”

Only in the McDuck family, casual pickpocketing was seen as a form of affection.  
Launchpad put the phone in his pocket.  
“Look Mister McD is right.  If you call her now while you’re feeling lonely and sensitive you are going to seem desperate.”

“See.  Even Launchpad agrees with me.”

“It is obvious to me you still like her. And if you ever want to dump her you need closure. If you want to make this work you have to face her.”

“Look I can dump her anytime I want.”  
“Then do it. Write her a text right now. Explain that old Uncle Scrooge had to be the one who got you off yer tailfeathers and text her back.”  She said “That is so pathetic she’d probably feel sorry for you.”

“Yeah.”

“If you can’t dump her on the phone.  And you can’t even go out to brunch with her, you’ve got figure things out.”

  
***

“It is just getting ice cream and videogames.”  
“Aw.  I want to date.  I like Candy Crush.” Webby whimpered

Huey looked down.  
“You okay Huey?”  
“You don’t normally take this so well,” Louis said.  
“I guess Uncle Donald is getting at that age where he doesn’t want to be alone anymore” Huey said “We are practically grown up ourselves. I used the word ascertain twice this week.  And Louis can make a fried ham sandwich.  Now we aren’t little anymore. Maybe he should find someone before he gets old and lonely. It will be weird but, it will be great for him.” He said “It would be nice to have an Aunt.”

“I didn’t even think about that.”

“He’ll spend way less time making sure we did our homework. Happened when Deon’s parents got divorced and his dad started dating.  He did so little homework, he was pulling a D average by the end of the month.”

“Yeah but that is bad.”  
“Well it didn’t last. His Dad married some lady and they became happy and they made him again. What a ride though.”

“I know I am going to sound like a girl, but everyone deserves a chance to get married.” Dewey said

“You jerks say that sexist stuff when I’m not around.  I’m not so sappy.” Webby said.

“Sorry Webby.  But, wouldn’t it be cool. Aunty someone.” Dewey said.

“Or Uncle.”  
“Not Launchpad.”  
“Nahh.  Launchpad is the nicest guy we know.”  He said “We couldn’t do that to him.” Louie said “Uncle Donald will make fun of his novelty hats and criticise his driving.”

“Its about personality Dynamic, Uncle Donald is brash rough and can seem quite rude, but it hides his tender sensitive nature.  Launchpad is passive, friendly and resilient.  A guy as moody as Uncle Donald…”

“Yeah.  Whatever Huey said.  He reads a lot.”  
  
“Someone smart…  And with a upwardly mobile carreer and earnings potential.” Huey said “At least 4 foot one 1.”

“Oh yeah.  And someone who makes him laugh.  Like old people stuff that we don’t get because we are too little.” Dewey said “Some who he has that special spark with.”

“Someone who won’t bale because he has kids.” Louie said “Some people are real jerks.”

Webby said “I guess as long as he’s happy.”   
  
“Yeah yeah of course.” Louis laughed nervously  
Huey was obsessed with metrics and superficial biodata, Dewey was irrationally romantic, and Louie while a little selfish.  
“Oh yeah…  well she’s going to be our Aunty, so we should have a say.”

“In many cultures marriages are arranged.  If we could do that…  well we three would pick the perfect girl for Uncle Donald.” Huey said

“Only one thing I care about.” Louie said.

“No DAISY.”

The three of them said in unison looking at their ceiling.  
Webby just guessed it was a triplet thing. And becoming apart of that family meant accepting people for what they were. She’d have to get the whole story later.  
“Who is Daisy again?”

Uncle scrooge collected them all for story time in their large bedroom suite.  Irished up his cocoa with a secret flask and settled in for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Yup. There is a scene in Faustus where a wizard seduces a noble woman by giving her grapes in December
> 
> In the Belle Epoche, Evander Barry Wall was named "King of the Dudes", after a longstanding prankwar with Robert "Handsome Bob" Elliot. By wearing better clothes. This is both stupid and Awesome. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ti80ErqohXM


	2. Kingdom Hearts: THe MMORPG: Half by Halfwest On top of Spaghetti 98.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donald convinces the boys to go on a trip, inciting a lot of hidden mysteries of MCduck Enterprises. Launchpad is great

Donald Duck, when given the chance, had a terrible night, and would keep doing so.  He was in the hall with Launchpad wandering down the halls of McDuck Industries on the Manor Campus.  Launchpad was whistling.

“This will make you forget all about that certain someone.” Jaunchpad punched his arm.

“You mean Daisy…  Yeah wow.  It was working and I forgot the last 12 years of my life until you told me.” He said “The effect is staggering.” Donald scoffed.

“Look we’ve all been through a bad breakup. Donnie. You just relax.” Launchpad said, trying to knock on the door with a free hand as the rest were full of ice cream fixings.   
   
The door had a sign. Hand painted calligraphy by someone’s grandmother on old recycled wood. “Nerds only” Donald gave a side eye to his companion.

“Oh that’s ok.  I get special dispensation because I’m kind of a weirdo.  I’m sure they’ll be cool.” Launchpad took a second to appease Donald, who let out an audible sigh.

Inside was a warm nest.  The windows were blacked out by fluffy black curtains.  There was a hammock that the owner of the office was sitting in, right as they spoke.   
“What up Launchpad?” Gyro said. The thirty something gave far too ostentacious a high five for his age. But the whole look was a bit much.  A pork pie hat at 930 at night.  Just … why?  Donald Duck was on the offensive.   
“Yeah.  Mrs. Beakley said we could have ice cream.” Launchpad said with the enthusiasm of an 8 year old.   
“I bet she did you dog.  Woof.” The young man grinned. “Is that chocolate?” He did seem excited at such a weird ice cream flavor.“Come on in, bro. And don’t step on Fenton.”

“Hey Launchpad.” A voice came from within. From volumes of cords and curtains and wires.  This place should have burned down.   
“Come on. Mrs. Beakley is a sweet little old lady.” Launchpad said.

“Yeah but she totally has the hots for you. And she dresses like if Mrs. Doubtfire was real.”   
“Damnit, Gyro.  Now I can’t get that image out of my head.” Launchpad suppressed a laugh “She fought commies, man.”

Donald smirked.  This might be an 1880’s fashion reject, but damnit he’d have to avoid such savagery. At least he wouldn’t have to watch his manners.

“Who is this guy?” Gyro asked his friend.

“You know, Donald Duck?” Launchpad motioned at Donald.  

“DONALD?” Gyro looked at him “I didn’t really recognize you.  It’s been like 8 years or something.”

Donald came in ducking his head and felt a tremor.   
“I told you not to step on Fenton.” On the ground nearly horizontal was Fenton 

“It’s okay I’m fine.” The feeble dark feather duck winced a little.

Donald stepped backwards at the feeling of a man’s arm underneath his foot and backed into a shelf.   
At this a strange little robot appeared before his eyes. Only a foot tall and full of malice. Covered in wires. Wires out of his hands and were his face would be. Donald felt a chill creep up his spine.

“We only have three controllers.  We weren’t expecting anyone else.” Gyro said “You and your friend will have to share.”

“But you invited me over?” Launchpad said. “What was I going to play with?”

“Yeah Launchpad we were going to have Little Helper be our DPS Mage.  You just connect the wires to his brain. We don’t need a controller.  Robots can interface with the software of the game directly…  Who knew?”

The little robot tried to grab Donald’s bill and then its lightbulb head tilted.  It was a bit unsettling. Like the creature was looking without eyes.

“Little Helper likes you.  He tried to attack me the first time I met him.  Until I gave him twenty dollars.” Launchpad said.

Gyro cooed over his little robot. “He doesn’t actually understand the value of money but the emotional and physical reaction of excepting money.” He said “You could have given him one dollar and it would have had the same effect.  It’s in his treasure hoarde if you want it back.”

Gyro looked at Donald “You want him to sit on your shoulder, near your face.” Donald was a little creeped out. And tried to get the robot to sit on the shelf. He wasn’t going to have that thing close to him.

Fenton was now sitting upright on the bean bag, instead of in a ball. “Mr. McDuck it is such an honor if I must say to meet you.  You know meeting your triplets and getting a job from the big man himself I am just thrilled.  We were here off hours for a team building exercise for community…”

“It’s just Donald.” Donald tried to correct him.   
“So your Mom Miss McDuck married Mr Duck…”

“Its not.  My dad’s…  Look.” Donald didn’t want to explain the family tree “Its just more convenient sometimes to have a different name from Uncle Scrooge.  He isn’t my dad. But even having a famous uncle can be complicated.”

“It’s cool.  Fenton.  McDuck Enterprises is a pretty tolerant workplace.  Well since I invented the zero point generator to offset my personal energy consumption.  Apparently you can steal solar power.” Gyro pointed to the futuristic pod that was sitting under yet more wires.  Someone was going to break an ankle in this room.

Fenton said, “I’m just so used to the old corporate culture of my old workplace.  You would have to tow the line.”

“It might actually do better for your career to call me a no good lay about and say I’m a failure,” Donald said.

“Now don’t say that Mr. McDuck.  Your uncle really is over the moon about you.  I see your picture in his cell phone when he throws it out the window when there is a market correction.  I hear him talking to Mrs. Beakley over the phone about what blasted nonsense has The Green one gotten himself into today.”  He said “I only have been working for him for a few weeks but, he’s a cool guy. Your sons are really lucky he is gaga over them. “

Fenton seemed a bit of a doormat.  Not just because Donald literally stepped on him.

“They aren’t my sons.” Donald said “They are my nephews.” 

“But I thought they were your boys.” Fenton said “You have custody.”

“Look Mr. McDuck been in the closet forever, since Abraham Lincoln or whatever” Gyro said  “Its best not to ask about paternity. The MCduck Family tree is insanely complicate.” The chicken said.   
The duck nodded

“I don’t think my uncle is in the closet.”

“Whatever he’s weird and he doesn’t have any kids of his own. Its only normal he would take over.  He’s got a big heart, and he’s a busybody who knows everything about everyone.”  Gyro said. 

“The transpo department always thought Donald were in the closet too. You know like your uncle. That’s why you are his favorite.” Launchpad said.   
“What?” Donald gulped.

“The Transportation Department is you and Madge who sits at the desk and tells you where to go.”   
Launchpad shrugged.   
   
“According to the girls in HR, they heard you were engaged to that lady on the news.  Who got fired for Punching Anne Coultier so hard she peed a little?”   
“Daisy.”

“Gyro.” Launchpad said “That’s the whole ex-girlfriend thing we were talking about.” Launchpad “Ixnay on the…”   
“How am I supposed to know?” Gyro said.   
“If you talked on the phone for more then five seconds I could have…”

“Sorry to make this awkward.” Gyro said “We don’t have to talk about girls.  We can just play…”

“I don’t play video games.  Ice cream is fine.” Donald pulled the phone from his pocket “I got some things to think about.   
And started queuing up his text app.   
“Donald.” Launchpad felt around his pockets. “Hey How’d you get that?”   
“I’m not the only thief in the family.  There is no such thing as privacy if you are McDuck. I promise not to bother anyone’s silly little game.”

“But Mr. McD said he’d fire me if you made any calls on that phone.”

“Nonsense.  He’d never fire you for a dumb reason like that.  The Department of labor hates him already.  He’ll just sabotage your future career and ruin your earning potential, with backhanded passive aggressive comments on your work performance.”   
“Or he could just fire you for the time you got in that accident.” Fenton said.   
   
“That is not cool.” Gyro said  “Launchpad shouldn’t be treated that way.  I don’t see why Mr. McDuck should pay us to hang out with you because your sad over some woman don’t know, but physically is out of your league.” He grumbled under his breath “or why we should bother?”   
   
Donald should have known Gyro didn’t like him before then, but he could not begin to know why.  He had never even met the guy. Maybe he was always this hostile. It wouldn’t explain the fact Launchpad was his friend.  Then on the other hand Launchpad had befriended the little satanic robot so that might not be good.  Donald wish he knew why he was so unwelcome.

“Launchpad can sit with me. And Donald you can have the big chair. Next to Little Helper’s treasure horde.” Fenton pulled out a kneeling cushion for Launchpad. “Are you cool on the floor,  we could share the bean bag…”   
Launchpad plunked down.  “I do better close to the screen.” He flopped on his belly like a teen unheeding to the principles of good lumbar support.   
Fenton sighed.    
   
Little helper lept out from a tangle of cords and junk holding a controller, making Donald jump.   
“Look little Helper found you a video game controller to join in on the fun.”  Fenton smiled.   
Gyro pet his monstrosity. “yeah I was using old PS4 controllers as back up components.  Who is my little helper?”

“Look I’m not into video games.  I haven’t picked up a console since 1991.”  When he might have thrown a Game Pro out the window, and it might have just missed Mickey’s head, but who can tell when you were that High? He took most of those days for granted as reality.  Mickey was cheap at Super Whiffle Fighter 2, so its entirely possible. “I think they bring out the worst in me. I hate them.”

“We just need a new mage.  Little Helper doesn’t have a competitive edge and is incapable of playing games.” Gyro said “His AI is too attenuated to being helpful.”

“He wastes all the potions we just bought in Traverse town.”*

“I can bring out my mage.  He’s only level 12.” Gyro said

“No we need at least two level 20 fighters to even enter the boss fight.” Fenton whined a little “Besides I want to kill my hooker killer blade.”

“We could level him up by farming those guys by the druglord's mansion.”   
Fenton and Gyro were the only ones who cared about the game and its stats.  Launchpad was spelling out a vaguely risqué user name that he could snigger at as his fellow players to repeat it,   
“We should just play the whole level with two.”  Gyro said, “I hate losing.”

That might explain why there wasn’t another controller, but Donald really didn’t understand why he felt so out of place.   
   
Launchpad pointed at the screen. “I haven’t played in a little while. I forgot I had an account. I am playing Goofy Knight of the 5th level.” A freakish lanky canine with a tiny dagger and a giant roman shield.     
“I’m 102 level keyblader.” Fenton said .  He was some kind of mutant with girly hair and a large key dripping with chains and zippers of all the achievements and downloadable content.

“I’m a Black Mage. Level 12.” Gyro said. A very aggravated Duck with a long staff spitting lighting.   
Donald realized the controller had triggers a jow stick The controls were beyond his ken and the chaotic spatter of blood and sparkled and numbers was making him a little dizzy.

   
So, this was his evening.  I mean he was a grumpy old man as far as they were concerned. The dad of the group, but these kids were barely out of school in the prime of their lives.   
   
He grumbled and looked at his phone.    
He shouldn’t be trapped by indecision.  By the past.  He was Donald Duck.  But there were feelings even he couldn’t figure out and batter into the corner.   
   
“Stop being a scrub and guard my six."   
"WHat" Launchpad got confused, but was still pounding the buttons fiercely.   
"You keep getting me killed." Gyro said.   
   
“Look he’s just level five.  He only has the second tier healing spell.  He doesn’t even have the blindness spell. He has the default configuration.”

"How is that going to help us now?"   
"Aw gees. They added a lot of weird stuff to the menu.  This controller's left trigger doesn't work so I can't accessing my power move."   
"Yeah right." Gyro said. "You play like my girlfriend."   
“Its easy to remedy.”  Fenton cast eyes over at Launchpad.  “You know I took my first Goofy knight from level 7 to level 50 at a lan party we had in the Math Building.  It only took ten hours and no sleep.”

“That must have been some party.  The most I got from a party was low grade alcohol poisoning.”  Launchpad said killing things on the screen.  Launchpad didn’t even clock the flirty pining looks from the young man less then a foot away. Donald was pretty sure this was the death knell of civilization.   
   
Fenton actually blushed and downcast his head. “its not such a big deal.  I just am-“   
Gyro rolled his eyes and scoffed  “I can’t be staying up all night.  Me and Willie have to be on the road to Spoonerville by 8am.  If we want to reach the first panel.  And if make good time we can go to that terrible diner at that creepy flea market where she picks up those rusty vintage lunchboxes.”  He said “Then it’s off to NostalgiaCon. Its our first year. The First Panel is "Shows I never heard of." We might get to spend fifty dollars to get the autograph of the Key grip on Star Trek three and five.”

Donald felt the sting.  Even a douche like Gyro had limits. A shopping and antiquing road trip had worn out many a man.  He'd been on his share of trips where his girlfriend would labourously ponder "What end table represents me."   
“That sounds like the worst.”  Donald said.   
“Well I’m sure it will be fun.” Fenton said “Fun is where you make it.”

“What can I say. I can’t say no to my Manic Pixie Dream Girl.” Gyro said.

“I don’t think that’s how you are supposed to use that term.” Donald said.

“She carries an umbrella with a Cartoon frog on it.”  He said “And she likes when I call her that name.”

“I could use a break from the city anyway.” Gyro said.  And he could use about fifty yards away from Donald and the people intruding on his stupid video game. He was so testy.

“Well if Gyro has to turn in early, we can head over to my place.”

“Yeah.”  Fenton yelped, his eyes as big as saucers.

“Yeah.  I only got that big old tv without all the modes.  But I’m sure we could hook something up,” Launchpad offered.

“Ooo.” Fenton looked like he was trying to hide a gunshot wound. Was the poor guy beginning to sweat,  that phrasing though was giving him ideas.  Maybe now something more interesting then a magic Duck killing drug lords.

“If its okay with Donald.”   
TO see two pathetic young men fail to flirt over videogames.  He couldn’t abide.  A stronger man would cave. Watching Fenton's game was like watching a collapsing star in horrific scale.   
“Actually we could take a break from killing the dragon and get a snack.” Donald said.    
“It’s a drug dealer.”  Gyro said.  “The dragon is level 8”

“We can’t eat ice cream and play video games.” Donald said.  Gryon popped out of his hammock and Launchpad got off the floor.

“Its in the employee breakroom, You know what would go great with the chocolate ice cream?” Launchpad licked his spoon clean.

“Ant spray? For the carpet.” Gyro said giving a long stretch.

“Nah.  Corn chips.” He held his bill to the air  “BBQ corn chips. Regular maybe?”   
“What?” Donald wrinkled his nose.”

“I got both in my car.” Launchpad said.

Fenton helplessly looked at the air. “It never hurts to try something new.”  He yelped as the gleaming glittering keysword mutant he was controlling faltered. He was actually going to try eating bbq corn chips and chocolate ice cream to get Launchpad's attention.   
   
Donald let the moment pass. Launchpad and Gyro left the room.   
“So are you really serious about Launchpad? I would NEVER cock block a bro. But I have got to get out of here and Launchpad is my ride.”

“What?” Fenton stared him full on.   
“What was that shit?  Are you trying to get with him?”

“What are you 13?" Fentons said.   
"Do you like him?" Donald asked.

"No.  Launchpad is... fine." Fenton returned to fiddling with his controller.  I just thought he would come alone and it would be different. Most weekends he’s busy with some date. No time for friends.”

“And instead, Gyro is bitching all night.  And I am glowering at your neck like a little bitch.”

“I have fun with Launchpad.  And I thought it would be cool to get in a real conversation for once. Outside of work. Get to know what the guy is like.”

"You are taking it slow and letting love blossom." Donald poked him, litterally in his nipple.

‘But I’m not…” Fenton said “No I like girls…. what.”

“Look I don’t care.” Donald said "But I've got to leave before I get a migraine, and Launchpad has to come with.  I got to go to a place where something real is going on. You are mutants killing drug dealers."   
"It has a beautiful story." Fenton frowned at him “Yeah.  And Launchpad is not gay or anything.  So you shouldn’t go around saying things.  He’s undecided. He's bisexual. That could mean…”   
“Okay.” Donald leaned back and lounged on the pillow.   
“So like don’t go around spreading things that I don’t even know are true.  I mean who cares.” Fenton said  “Maybe the chair is gay.  Maybe the game is gay.  Maybe the Robot is gay… You are weird.”

That was as obvious as possible.  Fenton was definitely intersted in Launchpad.  He'd put ever cent of Uncle Scrooge's money on it.  Donald tried not to laugh or he’d not be able to lie to him. Donald could be a smooth talker when it required but only when he wasn't laughing in someone's face.   
   
“Yeah. So we could just avoid this video game crap, he could take us out.” Donald said 'Have some realworld fun?"   
“What do you mean go out with Launchpad… I am looking for chicks… I told you.”

“He could take us out to MEET chicks.”

Donald would have to humor Fenton’s heterosexual delusions.  This was serious the little robot was ruining him and placing more bits of string and pen caps “I am going nuts. I think the robot is going to kill us.”

Fenton said "Come on we need three guys to beat the boss.  Gyro really never gets a chance to play."   


“Look the way I see it is this." Donald laid it out to his young friend. Launchpad is the best looking guy around.”  Donald said “My eyes don’t deceive me. I know what women like.”

“Yeah.  BUT… Yeah but."Fenton stammered.  "None of the girls will want to talk to us because they’ll want to talk to him. So we’ll end up alone. With a pile of peanuts and my best friends high heeled shoes." He got a dark look on his face  "I hate clubs. I like video games.”

“Don’t be so competitive.”  Donald said “You’re thinking like a little boy. Sure he could probably pick up one even two of them.  He's a healthy young man. I was young myself. Compare that to all the girls who he won’t have time for.  I saw him erase numbers off his phone for a half an hour straight one time.  He has erased more chicks off his phone then have talked to me in the last three years.” He said.

“So we are just going to hang out around Launchpad and we’ll get the girls he doesn’t want, like leftovers.  Like we are letting Launchpad get us women.  That’s just gross.” Fenton said.

“Look when women flirt with a confident good looking man like that, they get excited and confident.  So more conducive to flirt and socialize with new people.  It creates a positive vibe.  If you happen to take advantage of that vibe it is just being smart.”

Fenton crossed his arms “It sounds scuzzy.  And-“

“Okay.  But you said that Launchpad is flexible.  What if he happens to find a nice young man to spend the evening with?  Literally every girl he talks to would be up for grabs, because he’d be uninterested. We'd be doing him a favor.”

“I guess you’d be 40% less likely to go home alone.” Fenton stared wistfully.

"What?" Donald prodded.

“its just a math problem I been working on.  I suppose it’s not the worst.  But that’s not fair Launchpad isn’t gay and we shouldn’t assume anything.  I mean I don’t like to gossip. What if people think he's gay and he gets a reputation and his parents or something find out and we are responsible and it gets super-”

“Hey Launchpad are you gay?” Donald asked. Fenton went white.

Launchpad didn’t even flinch putting another cornchip in his mouth. “Not necessary.  I’m definitely in the flexible category.  Like don’t you need a boyfriend to be gay.”

“Its just a feeling in your heart.” Donald mocked.  Fenton hid his face.“There is not any requirements.”

“More on the bisexual end of things.”   
“Are you sure you aren’t pansexual…  most guys in your situation end up being pansexual?” Gyro added crumbled cookies on his ice cream.   
“Nah I don’t really like guys in dresses,” Launchpad shook his head.   
“They aren’t guy in dresses. You’re Transphobic AF.” Gyro said finishing his chocolate on chocolate on chocolate ice cream   
“I am just not attracted to that.  If they are not guys in dresses or women in whatever, I’m just not interested,” Launchpad said.   
“No wait Tomboys are hot as—” Launchpad cut himself off “….  I might be pan sexual. There needs to be some kind of check list.”

Donald tipped his imaginary hat to Fenton.   
   
“Why the twenty questions?” Launchpad looked over at Fenton. Searching bright eyes that immediately twigged him, Launchpad might not be smart, but he was bright and he knew about dating.   
“I. I was asking one question.” Fenton 

“The past three days you been hanging around.”   
“But I only asked like two questions.” Fenton "Over the course of several hours of interaction."

“Oh my God Fenton." Launchpad cooed  "Are you trying to ask me out?” Launchpad squeed  “That is so adorable.”   
“No, I’,” Fenton was hysterically shaking his head.   
“Like is this your first time asking a guy out?”   
“I’m not…”   
“Is this why your been hanging around?”

“We are not asking anyone out. We were thinking about drinks. Going out for drinks.” Fentonwas literally covering his eyes.  Trying to hide the murderous gaze he was shooting at Donald.  He was McDuck's nephew.

"You are the most adorable little sweetie?" Launchpad pinched his cheek “He doesn’t even know what he’s doing wrong? Come here sweetie and let me give you a hug”   
“What am I doing wrong?" Fenton flailed.

"You are doing five things wrong?" Donald said   
"I thought the four of us can go out and get some beers.”   
“Hmm.  You sure?” Launchpad had thought this was a pick up.   
“Of  course.  Come on.” Fenton said "I am not going to ask you out."

The pilot shrugged “Well if that’s it.” Launchpad forgot the surge of paternal protectiveness for the darling baby gay, to his usual best friend mode.  “Yeah lets go. I'm getting thirsty”

“You know where we can go." Donald said "We can go to Hijinks. That place is usually filled by ten.”    
“Hijinks was destroyed by that snowcado.” Launchpad said. 

Gyro said “Didn’t you see it go viral on Youtube?”   
   
“Hijinks was my favorite. Well what about that punk venue, Rebel Scum? It opens at 11. Twice a week its hip hop.” Donald said 

“That became Bonanza, then A kid died their of too much expired shrimp at the buffet.” Gyro said

“Marakesh?” Donald asked.   
“That became Factory, until the Bulba gong took over started selling molly out the back alley and there was that shooting. After that they loss their liquor license...”   
   


"Cabana?"  
“My parents met there.” Launchpad said.

“Have all the places I used to go shut down?” Donald said

“or been destroyed by the wrath of god.” Gyro said "Clubs are like the worst businesses on Earth. They never stay open more then a couple of years. And all of them have a story of heartbreak and ruin."

“I know like three new places we could go.” Launchpad said scrolling on his phone. “Nice chill places. Not so intense, but still fun.  New places, new faces.  Maybe make you forget you know who.”   


“Daisy…  Oh drat.” Donald grumbled. "You ruined the magical illusion."

“Well guys won’t be hitting on us there?”  Fenton said covering up for his perceived lack of masculinity.

“If you want guys to hit on you there is only one.” Launchpad “I don’t want anyone making you feel uncomfortable.  Just a nice mix of well-adjusted normal people. Unless you want—"

“No I mean.” Fenton was really embarrassed.

“The place where the guys are…” Donald asked, making a motion with his.  “Are they guaranteed to hit on you? Or is it just likely.” Fenton was squirming. And it was pretty hilarious.

“Unless you straight busted.  Those bitches are savage.  They said I didn’t have the elbows to wear a tank top.” Launchpad said "Its like the most uncomfortable I ever been in a gay bay..."   
“That is so mean.” Donald marveled.  An insult like that would haunt your nightmares. I’m not going anywhere to be insulted. I have an uncle at home.”

“No I know the place.” Launchpad “I have the perfect place for Fenton.” He said “Just let me call my girl Genny. We can go to Swingles.”

“Aren't those a franchise? They have two in every town.” Donald said.

“It’s a start.  I think we should take it easy.” Launchpad said “Gyro gots a trip in the morning.” Launchpad chivalrously ignored Fenton who was turning purple with aplopexy.

It was at this Gyro grabbed Launchpad's phone. “Well we can’t go out.”   
Fenton asked "What?" He looked over at Gyro.

“We don’t drink.  I am dating someone.”  He said

“Yeah we noticed.” Donald said. "you've been complaining about spending time with her all night."   
Gyro pulled himself to his full height. “I can’t go to the club.” Gyro cut a glance at Fenton “And Fenton you don’t drink.”   
Launchpad brushed him off “Well you don’t need to drink. They got like soda and smoothies and that and-“

“I can drink.  I have to drink I’m Puerto Rican.” Fenton said

“And I am like 2/3 Scottish. I have to drink by Papal Mandate.” Donald said   
   
“Look I promised my girlfriend I wouldn’t drink.  We both agreed to it. We’ve been sober for like three years.” Gyro said.

“How does this effect Fenton?” Donald said   
“I didn’t even know you then.” Fenton said.

“Shes an anesthesiologist she has to be sharp.  Even when she's not on call. She used to party too hard and get jealous when I talked to other women and we both agreed to tone it down.”

“How does this effect Fenton? Everything you just described is why you don't drink.”

   
“I didn’t even know you then.” Fenton repeated.

“We’ve all got an early night.”   
“I’m technically unemployed.” Donald said   
“This Saturday is my day off this week." Launchpad said.

“I never work Saturdays unless Mr. McDuck tells me too.” Fenton said.   
"We've got nowhere to be... we want to go out? Why can't you just..." Donald made a motion "Go along."   
“Do you know what my girlfriend would do if she found out Fenton and Launchpad took me out to meet girls.”   
Donald was irritated “FINE. Say Launchpad is gay and you were at the... Rusty Anchor."

“Yeah totally.” Launchpad said. “I’m not really good at lying. But I will definitely be your scapegoat”   
“We have your cover story.” Donald "How can she get mad at that?"

“It would be a perfect Cover story, If I was a sociopath who was cheating on my girlfriend. If I needed to be a dirty liar.  if I was going Fenton.” He said "I am not lying to do something I don't even feel like doing. It's wrong."

“Gyro come on. You don't have to tell her everything.  Just a few beers.” Fenton begged.

Donald grasped young Fenton by the bill.

“Look at this dear summer child.  He is so innocent he doesn’t even know how to be rejected face to face by a beautiful woman. Never know heartache of romance.  You want to deprive him of the agonies” Donald kissed his forehead, “We love him. And surrender him to the filth of this world.”

“Look Fenton.” Gyro grabbed Fenton’s hand  “you are a nice responsible kid.  You aren’t the kind of person who needs to be out all hours.  Running amok.  Don’t you think Its better you keep your emotions under control.  Take it easy. Not put any extra stress on yourself considering…”

Donald snorted “Like you so he could end up hating his girlfriend and his job...”   
"he could end up living in a cool houseboat at his billionaire uncle's house."

“These are more complicated issues that you are no aware of.  Very serious issues.” Gyro said.

“Well yeah.  But Fenton’s handled those issues so far.” Launchpad said “He has been the best Fenton he can be.”   
   
“You are going to trust this stranger, this pathetic rich jerk, over your friend and---”

“Look I just wanted to try something new Gyro. I mean every since…  you know when… " Fenton went quiet "We’ve been doing the same thing.  Every Friday night it’s the same thing.  Junk food,  video games til 1130. A full body scan. MRI, Pet scan Cat Scan xray….”

“You know those are necessary.” Gyro said “You never had a problem with them before.”

“Maybe I was just too polite before.” Fenton said. “Its exhausting.”

“Why are you allowed to take full body scans of him?” Donald was losing the thread.

“Its just part of the thing.” Fenton said “A work thing it’s bullshit.”

“Its part of your contract." Gyro painted a fine point on it "And you know a few of the times, we were lucky we got it in time.  You wouldn’t even be standing here. If I didn’t catch that subdermal hematoma on your prefrontal cortex.  I pulled a loose sprocket out of your-”

“Is he sick?” Donald said “Why are you getting like brain scans?”

“It’s best you don’t know. Its on a need to know basis. It’s a big thing Mr. McD has been cooking up.” Launchpad said “Guys maybe you could discuss this on Monday.  When you’re alone. Remember the NDA.” Launchpad pointed at Donald. "dona;d doesn't have all the knowledge.  maybe you'd like to keep your jobs.   
Donald was a bit perterbed  “You don’t have cancer do you?” Donald was nervous.  He thought Fenton was a normal if really pathetic guy. There was some secret going on. He was making fun of a poor guy with cancer...  maybe. That didn't feel right. Something intense was going on.

“You can’t talk to me like I’m your slave. Look I am still my own person.” Fenton said

“30% of you would beg to differ.” He said “You are not some bitchy teenager, despite your weird arrested development and immature infatuations.  I’m not your mom.  And this isn’t about you or me or our feelings.  You have an important responsibility to this project.”

“Like you would know anything about responsibility. You are the most irresponsible person I know.” Fenton’s mouth turned into an angry scowl.

There was a heavy silence over the room. The moment landed until Launchpad winced.   
   
Gyro was not just angry at that weird statement,  he looked like he was going to cry.  “That is unfair, Fenton.” Gyro clenched his fist.

“This always about you.” Fenton said “You’re selfish Gyro. And you are negative. I just want to get away…from you.”

“Well you can’t get away from this.” He said “You can’t.”

Gyro held himself back “Lock this down and go to bed. We’ve got work tomorrow. Your behavior tonight has been embarrassing.  And irrational. And I hope I can fix. Maybe another sprocket came loose.”

"Maybe I am tired of your bs." Fenton said

“I’m not your mom.  You go do what you want, but we’ll see what Mr. Mcduck has to say in the morning.  I can’t work with you if you are going to be like this.”

“Well you don’t need to.  Its all on me remember. 30%”

Gyro growled and stormed out of the room with a growl bigger then his tiny avian body.

Fenton knocked all the retro gaming equipment off the shelf.

“You okay, Fenton.” Donald said “I don’t know what that was… what was that?  Is he normal?”

“It’s just….  I just some times I can’t take it anymore.” Fenton said “I just want my life back.”

Launchpad who actually knew Fenton sat down beside him “Look, I signed an NDA , I can’t begin to know how you feel.  Or to tell you what to do.  But Gyro is your friend.”

“Well with friends like that… who needs enemies.”  Fenton actually said  “I just need to get out of here. Just get some fresh air.”

Donald uncomfortable with the emotional vulnerability of the atmosphere was glad “And we’ll go out to Swingles, have a drink.”

‘Everyone has got to unwind. It’ll do you good.” Launchpad said "You and Gyro been to hell and back."

“I don’t need him.  He’s got it backwards.  I am the one who doesn’t need him.” Fenton was quite agitated.

“I guess we don’t need Gyro to have a good time.” Fenton just kept repeating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all the Kingdom Hearts Fans. In this universe, Kingdom Hearts is a famous MMORPG renowned for its controversial content, ugly avatar customizations and limited class choice. Mostly played by boring teen boys and serial killers in training. It is THe Call of Duty of this Universe. It doesn't have awesome worlds like Atlantica or Agrabah or Monkey Jungles. Mostly it is endless brown Urban Combat centers and Bland Fetch Quests to kill Drug Dealers.
> 
> Donald always wastes the damn potions. Stupid A.I.
> 
> Little helper is cute at first. But why doesn't he have a face.... Its wrong T;T

**Author's Note:**

> * Yup. There is a scene in Faustus where a wizard seduces a noble woman by giving her grapes in December
> 
> In the Belle Epoche, Evander Barry Wall was named "King of the Dudes", after a longstanding prankwar with Robert "Handsome Bob" Elliot. By wearing better clothes. This is both stupid and Awesome. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ti80ErqohXM


End file.
